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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27969446">Christmas Is Harder Than It Looks</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foxy_Kyle/pseuds/Foxy_Kyle'>Foxy_Kyle</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>All For The Game - Nora Sakavic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anorexia, Anxiety Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Bisexual Allison Reynolds (All For The Game), Bisexual Kevin Day, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Language, Exy (All For The Game), F/F, F/M, M/M, Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:28:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,855</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27969446</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foxy_Kyle/pseuds/Foxy_Kyle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“So Neil. How are you doing? I know things must be hard with the holidays coming up.” Betsy says to Neil in her tiny office. </p>
<p>“Things are fine.” Neil says back. </p>
<p>“Neil you don’t need to lie to me. It’s okay if you’re having a hard time. There is usually lots of food and treats around the holidays. I just want to make sure you’re not going too hard on yourself.” She says back. </p>
<p>or</p>
<p>Neil has anorexia and Andrew is bipolar. Christmas is hard but maybe they can find comfort in each other. They just don't know it yet.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Allison Reynolds/Renee Walker (All For The Game), Katelyn/Aaron Minyard, Matt Boyd/Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Seth Gordon/Allison Reynolds</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>71</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Christmas Is Stupid</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Sorry I kind of stopped working on my other fic but I just needed something new and I thought this would be fun with Christmas coming up. Let me know if there's anything you think I should change or anything that offends you. I try and do my research but writing is not always accurate unless you've been though those things firsthand. I'm always up for tips as a new writer. Hope you like it. ;)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So Neil. How are you doing? I know things must be hard with the holidays coming up.” Betsy says to Neil in her tiny office. </p><p>“Things are fine.” Neil says back. </p><p>“Neil you don’t need to lie to me. It’s okay if you’re having a hard time. There is usually lots of food and treats around the holidays. I just want to make sure you’re not going too hard on yourself.” She says back. </p><p>Neil knew what she meant. He had told Betsy in a session once that last Christmas before he came to PSU that he passed out and been taken to the hospital before he snuck out and ran away. He was still on the run then and he passed out because even though he had lots of stolen money he forced himself not to eat. He always thought that he just had a small stomach but it wasn’t until he started seeing Betsy that she diagnosed him with anorexia nervosa. </p><p>They concluded that the source of it was form being on the run and being forced into different situations where he might not be able to eat for days. He was also on the track team because he wanted to lose any weight he gained but that was more of a control thing. Neil could care less about the way he looked so it wasn’t really about looking skinny. He had scars all over him from his fathers abuse, being on the run, and most recently when his fathers men captured him and scarred his face and arms. He didn’t mind them because he was just happy he was alive. </p><p>That was at the end of high school and he joined the track team at Palmetto State University for a new start. Things have been going okay except for the nightmares, flashbacks, weird looks, unwillingness to eat and well maybe things weren’t so well but that’s why he had Betsy. Even though he rarely opened up to her it was something. </p><p>“I think you would benefit if you made a friend here.” Betsy then says breaking Neil from his thoughts. </p><p>“It might be nice to have someone with you over the holidays to help since I won’t be available all the time.” </p><p>She had mentioned him needing to make friends before but in a more subtle way. Now she obviously pointed out that he was the lonely weird kid with the scars nobody wanted to be friends with. </p><p>“I doubt anybody would want to.” </p><p>“I’m sure you’ll find somebody. Or maybe you already know somebody and you just don’t know it yet.”</p><p>“How can you be friends with someone and not know it?” </p><p>“I don’t know. Sometimes people creep into our lives and we don’t realize it until much later when we start to rely on them.” </p><p>Neil thinks about that for a moment while Betsy taps her pen on her notebook until she asks. </p><p>“Where are you spending the break? Exams are coming up and once they're over they’ll close off the dorms.” </p><p>Neil hadn’t really thought about that yet but it had always been a worry that was stored in the back of his brain. </p><p>“Um...I’m not sure yet.” He says. </p><p>“I know some housing you can stay in if you need it. I would invite you to my place but I’m going across the country to visit my sister.” </p><p>“No, I don’t want to stay in housing.” </p><p>“Well then maybe you should find a friend before the break.” She jokes. He gives a small fake smile and laugh while he continues thinking about what he’s going to do.</p><p>“Seriously Neil. I don’t want you wandering around homeless and alone on Christmas. Call or text me if you need anything and I can find a place for you to stay.” </p><p>“Thank you Betsy but I’ll be fine.” </p><p>Her smile looked sad when he said that. “Okay our session is over. I’ll see you next week. Bye Neil.” </p><p>“Bye Betsy.” He said back. Then he ran back to his dorm.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Making Friends</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Neil figures out Matt has been trying to be his friend for a long time and gets invited to a party.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry I forgot to change the chapter number. I will be continuing this fic. Also this chapter is kind of short. Hope ya'll like it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Later that day Neil went to the library to try and study for his exams. He was working on math problems that were actually pretty easy considering he’s a math major. He was half done with one until a big guy with a friendly smile came and sat down at his table. He’d seen him before because they were in the same class. He was actually really fucking annoying because he would always talk to Neil. </p><p>“Hi!” He says. “I’m Matt. You're Neil right? We share a class.” </p><p>Neil just glances up at him and continues working on his math. The guy doesn’t seem to care much because he keeps talking. </p><p>“You must be really focused on that...math problem.” He says looking over at Neil’s work. “Wow. That’s some pretty advanced stuff. You want some help? You're a freshman right?” </p><p>Now Neil was even more annoyed. He’s spent his whole life with people assuming things about him and wouldn’t tolerate it now. </p><p>“No. I’m not stupid. I’m fucking majoring in math.” </p><p>“Oh sorry. I was just trying to help.” </p><p>Neil ignores him and starts working again. </p><p>“Well I really came over here to ask you something. I mean I know we don’t know each other that well but you seem like a cool person. We’re having a Christmas party over at my dorm. The Vixens and some football and soccer players will be there. Also the exy team. I’d love for you to come.” </p><p>Neil was about to decline until Betsy’s words came into his head. “I think you would benefit if you made a friend here.” Then a lightbulb went off. Had Matt been trying to be his friend for weeks now and Neil just didn’t notice. He was impressed by his perseverance since Neil had a terrible attitude and was the rudest person on the planet. Neil looks back at Matt and says. </p><p>“What time?” Matt looks thrown off guard like he was expecting Neil to just flat out say no or walk away which seems accurate. </p><p>“Next Friday night after exams. It starts at 8 but you can come anytime after that.” </p><p>“Okay. I’ll be there. Where’s your dorm?” </p><p>Matt stands up and says “That’s what I’m talking about we're gonna party all night and you can meet all my friends-” </p><p>“Where’s your dorm?” Neil asks again, cutting him off. Matt settles back down and writes down which tower he’s in and his room number on a piece of paper. Then Matt says. </p><p>“Oh shit. I’m gonna be late for class. I’ll see you later Neil.” Then he rushes off.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Christmas Party</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Neil goes to Matt's party and meets Andrew.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Am I updating a Christmas fic in the middle of April? Yes. I'm sorry this is so late. I don't have time to do anything anymore and when I do I'm too tired to write. I hope you all understand and enjoy the new chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Next thing Neil knew it was Friday. Earlier that week he had his session with Betsy and talked to her about the party. She helped him come up with calming techniques because Neil didn’t like people. He had social anxiety and wasn’t good at making conversation unless it was about something he liked which at the moment only consisted of two things. Math and track weren’t very good icebreakers. She also helped him figure out what to do with all the food there. </p><p>She told him, “I know you’ll already be in a stressful situation but I want you to try and eat at least one thing there.” </p><p>Which Neil isn’t happy about. He hates eating in front of people but he would try because he knew Betsy would be proud of him. Once it was getting close to 8 Neil starts walking to Matt’s dorm which ends in him running all the way there. That made him a little early but he decides it’s fine and starts making his way up the stairs. </p><p>He’s never been in this part of the campus before because he doesn’t pay attention to the other sports teams that are at Palmetto. Especially exy. After being traumatized by seeing a guy get killed on the court he stayed far away. He is a bit worried to be opening back up to it even if it is just meeting the team. He knocks on the door and it takes a while but it eventually swings open with a smiling Matt greeting him.</p><p>“Hey buddy. You’re a bit early but that’s fine. Nobody’s really here yet except for the Foxes. Come on in.” </p><p>Neil walks into the dorm which looks a lot bigger than his. Neil lives by himself but he still has a kitchen, bathroom, and a full bed since he has a track scholarship and is a student athlete. This dorm was obviously meant for 3 or 4 people since it had a living room, a big kitchen, and a whole separate room for the beds. There were about 10 people in the room which already felt like too much. Neil didn’t want to see what it was like later. He would probably leave early anyways. Some people look up at his arrival. Some in the kitchen and some talking by the couch. </p><p>“Everyone this is Neil.” </p><p>Neil waves to everyone and they all look at each other like they were expecting someone else. Neil looks around the room until he sees a tall dark haired guy with his back facing Neil and a short (shorter than Neil) blonde man standing next to him wearing all black. He is about to keep looking around the room until the tall guy turns around and Neil recognizes him immediately. Kevin Day was on the PSU fox exy team?! How had Neil missed that? </p><p>“Kevin?” </p><p>Kevin looks at him puzzled until a light goes off in his head and he walks up to him and says, </p><p>“Oh my God! Nathaniel?” </p><p>“It’s just Neil now.” </p><p>The other foxes were now looking at him even weirder. Matt says, </p><p>“Wait, you two know each other?” </p><p>“Umm it’s been a while. I can’t believe you're here. Wait how are you here? What about your father-” </p><p>“He’s dead.” Neil says, cutting him off in a sharp tone. </p><p>The room goes silent until Neil says, “We knew each other when we were younger. At Evermore.” </p><p>The room falls back into silence while they all process that until the short blonde man says, </p><p>“Well isn’t this a nice little family reunion.” </p><p>Neil glances over at him but quickly looks always when he sees how intimidating his apathetic face is. “Well Neil I guess I should introduce you to everyone.” Matt says, breaking him from his thoughts.</p><p>“You know Kevin I guess, that’s Andrew, Aaron, Nicky and there’s Allison, Seth, Renee, and Dan.” </p><p>When he says Dan’s name he has a smile on his face. Neil also didn’t notice that Andrew and Aaron were twins until Matt was calling off their names. Then Nicky came out of the kitchen holding a wine glass and says,</p><p>“Oh you brought a cute one Boyd.” </p><p>Then Aaron says, “Can you not go 2 minutes without flirting with someone?”</p><p>“Anyone except girls.” He laughs at himself then continues. </p><p>“Come on. He’s cute...well maybe except for those scars-” </p><p>“Okay! We’re done over here. How about you meet the girls.” Matt says. </p><p>While Matt was dragging him over to the couch a few more people walked in. </p><p>“Hi Neil. Nice to meet you.” Renee says when he goes into the living room with a genuine smile on her face. </p><p>“Huh. Nicky’s not lying. He is cute.” Allison says while looking Neil up and down. “You are a bit short though.” She adds.</p><p>“Really Allison? I’m right here. Are you just gonna flirt with every guy that walks in?” Seth says. </p><p>“Or girl.” Allison shrugs saying pretty much the opposite of what Nicky said. Seth starts yelling at her and Neil almost flinches but keeps it hidden.</p><p>She yells back and that continues until Dan stands up rolling her eyes and says, </p><p>“Can you two not fight while we have guests here?” </p><p>They stop and she walks up to Neil. </p><p>“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Dan, the exy team captain.” </p><p>She holds her hand out. Neil looks down at it and doesn’t take it but says, </p><p>“Nice to meet you too.”</p><p>She gives Matt a worrying look. At that Neil looks away hating that he made an awkward situation even though he doesn’t really care. When he turns he catches Andrews eyes. They keep eye contact for a while until Matt pushes him towards the kitchen. </p><p>“So what do you want to drink?” </p><p>“Oh...um I don’t drink.” </p><p>Andrew looks back over at him when he says that and Neil squirms under his gaze this time. </p><p>“Oh uh that’s fine, we have some soda if you want it.” </p><p>“No I’m good. Thanks though.” </p><p>“We also have some Christmas snacks and pizza on the desks over there if you want any.” </p><p>Neil nods at that. He knows he should eat something but that’s for later Neil to deal with. Matt leaves to talk to Dan and Neil decides to just stay in the kitchen away from most of the people. Neil should have known that would just make people come to him but he realizes too late when Andrew walks in. He stares at Neil and says,</p><p>“Why are you here?” </p><p>“Matt invited me.” </p><p>“Why did you come? To get to Kevin?” </p><p>“What? I didn’t even know Kevin was on the team. I didn’t even know he went here.” </p><p>“Then why did you come.” </p><p>“It seemed...fun.” </p><p>“Come on. You look like you hate everyone here. You would not have voluntarily come here unless you had a reason.” </p><p>“Fuck off. I don’t owe you shit.”</p><p>Andrew stops talking but nonchalantly pulls out a knife from his sleeve. </p><p>“You think that’s gonna scare me? I’ve seen worse.” </p><p>“Well tell me why you're here and maybe I won’t use it.” </p><p>Neil sighs and says, “You really want to know? This bad?” </p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>Neil takes a deep breath in and decides fuck it. “Okay fine. My therapist thought it would be good for me to make a couple friends. Happy?” </p><p>Andrew looks a bit stunned but hides it well. “Hmm, makes sense. From the way you talked about him it looks like you couldn't even make friends with daddy.” </p><p>“Fuck off. At least I’m not a blank-faced psychotic freak.” Andrew’s face doesn’t even twitch as Neil walks out of the kitchen. He's about to head for the door until Matt stops him and asks if he was alright. </p><p>“Yeah I’m fine. I’ll be right back.” </p><p>He leaves and sits in the stairwell. Tears he couldn’t control start falling from his eyes and he recognizes he is having a panic attack. He tries to calm down by counting and using the techniques Betsy taught him but what really helps is when his phone starts ringing. He looks down at the caller ID and sees it is Stuart. Neil tried to call him a few days ago to ask if he could stay with him but he didn’t answer. </p><p>“Neil. I saw you called me. Is there something you need?” </p><p>“Yes. I was wondering if I could stay with you over Christmas break.” </p><p>The line is quiet for a while and there are muffled voices in the background until he hears. </p><p>“Neil I’m dealing with some things right now I don’t know if it would be possible. I’m very busy.” </p><p>“Please Stuart I have nowhere else to stay. The dorms are closing and-” </p><p>“Neil I’m sorry but there’s just nothing I can do. I know someone you could stay with.” </p><p>“No...um I’ll be fine. Thanks anyway.” </p><p>Then he ends the call. The last thing Neil would want to do is stay in a random person's house who, considering who his uncle is, is in the mob somehow. Neil wants to be as far from that as possible. Neil was about to get up but then he heard rustling behind him. He looks back and sees Andrew standing in the doorway. Neil must’ve not heard him come in. </p><p>“Did you hear all that?” </p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>“Shit.” </p><p>“You really don’t have anybody do you? No family. No friends.” </p><p>Neil makes an angry face and says, </p><p>“What part of me running away from you do you not understand. I don’t want to talk to you and I don’t want to hear all the ways you’re going to degrade my life.” </p><p>Neil gets up again and is about to leave but Andrew grabs his wrist. </p><p>“Where are you going to stay?” </p><p>“I’m- I’ve got it under control okay. Stop nuzzling into my life.” </p><p>Neil says, pulling his hand away sharply. He thinks Andrew's grip might leave a bruise. </p><p>“You can stay with us. Nicky has a house in Columbia.” </p><p>“Why the fuck would I want to stay with you? I barely know you.” </p><p>“Because you have nowhere else.” </p><p>At that Andrew turns around and Neil thinks he’s about to head back to the party but he keeps going up the stairs to the roof door. Neil decides he’s not in the mood to deal with him and heads back to the party. When he gets back there’s a lot more people, noise, and alcohol. Since it’s a lot more crowded nobody really notices that Neil came back in. He decides it would be a good time to eat something. He goes to the back of the dorm by the food and grabs a Christmas cookie that’s a little too sweet for his liking. He struggles with a few bites but is able to eat the whole cookie. After that Matt comes back up to him and pats him on the shoulder. </p><p>“Neil! Your back! Where’d you go?” </p><p>He was obviously drunk. Before Neil could answer he gets distracted again. Then he heard someone yelling “Chug! Chug! Chug!” and he assumes that’s what caught his attention. He stays back in the corner and Renee approaches him. </p><p>“Looks like we're the only sober ones here.” She says. </p><p>“You don’t drink?” </p><p>“No I don’t.” She pulls up her cross from her chest in explanation. </p><p>“Hmm. You’re strange.” Neil then accidentally says thinking out loud. </p><p>“Oh. What makes you think that?” she says in a calming tone. Not a defensive one. </p><p>“Well you seem innocent. You’re Christian and you talk in that calm tone.” </p><p>“But?” </p><p>Neil waits a moment and looks back at her. </p><p>“But you’ve got this look in your eyes like you could kill every person in this room.” It was something Neil noticed about her right away. A look flashes across her face for a split second. </p><p>“You're not wrong. But something tells me I could say the same thing about you.” </p><p>Neil keeps looking at her until she walks away to help a stumbling Allison. Neil doesn’t really know what to do with himself now. He ate, he socialized, and now he was surrounded by a bunch of drunk college students who don’t care about him or even know who he is. He could try and think about Andrew asking him to stay with him but didn’t want to deal with that at the moment. Neil starts heading for the door since there was nothing else to do here until Kevin stops him. All he says is. </p><p>“Follow me.” </p><p>Neil does what he says because even though the last time they saw each other had been when they were 10, Neil trusts him. They walk out of the dorm and right into another dorm across from it. Neil assumes it’s Kevin’s. It has beanbag chairs instead of couches and there are some clothes on the floor but other than that it’s pretty tidy. Neil thinks the quiet is a lot better than the loud music in the other dorm that could still faintly be heard. </p><p>“Quiet’s nice right? Looked like you could use a break.” </p><p>“Yeah.” </p><p>“Well I wanted to talk to you.” </p><p>They go into the kitchen and Kevin starts getting a glass of water for himself. </p><p>“Want anything?” <br/>“No. I’m good.” </p><p>“So. What happened with your father?” </p><p>Neil thinks for a moment and then decides to just tell him everything. </p><p>“In my senior year of high school he found me. He kidnapped me and brought me to Baltimore where his assistance burned my face and arms and cut me open. My dad brought me in his basement and almost killed me until my uncle saved me. Ichiro let me go since I wasn’t really the one who stole the money.” </p><p>“So you’re completely out of the woods?” </p><p>“I like to think that I am but the Moriyamas could change their mind about me any day. What about you? How’d you get out?” </p><p>“Wymack. Our coach. He recruited me after I got kicked off the Ravens team because Riko broke my hand so bad. I had to relearn everything with my other one. It was hell.” </p><p>They stand in the kitchen just enjoying the silence and each other's company after many lost years. Then Kevin says, </p><p>“You know you could do exy again.” </p><p>Neil shakes his head and says, “I’m on the track team now. I just- I can’t go back to exy.” Before Kevin could protest the door swings opens then and they both walk out of the kitchen to see who it is. Of course it’s Andrew. Why is Andrew everywhere ruining everything? </p><p>“Oh. Looks like I have guests.” </p><p>“This is my dorm too you know.” </p><p>“Neil. Why do I keep seeing you everywhere?” </p><p>Andrew asks, ignoring Kevin. </p><p>“I could ask you the same thing. It kind of feels like you're following me.” </p><p>They stare at each other and Neil keeps his ground this time. </p><p>“Okay stop it you two. I’m not in the mood to break up a fight. You know what? I actually don’t care. I’m going back to the party.” Kevin swipes a bottle of vodka and leaves. </p><p>“What are you doing here?” Neil asks. </p><p>“It’s my fucking dorm. What are you doing here?” </p><p>“I- I don’t know.” </p><p>“Have you thought about my offer?” </p><p>“A bit.” </p><p>“Well if you don’t want to be roaming the streets starving and freezing to death on Christmas I suggest you think about it a bit more.” </p><p>“Okay let’s say I go with you.” Neil says crossing his arms. “What are you gonna do? Ridicule me the entire time and dig deep inside my brain like I’m your pet guinea pig?” </p><p>“Probably but isn’t that better than the former?” </p><p>Neil weighs his options in his head and admits to himself that he has nobody else and Andrew was offering exactly what he needs. He might go crazy listening to Andrew but he was right. It was better than freezing to death. </p><p>“Okay. I’ll go with you. Only because I have nowhere else to go. Not because I want to.” </p><p>“We leave tomorrow. Kevin, Nicky, Aaron, and I.” </p><p>Neil nods. At least he’ll have Kevin if all else fails. </p><p>“Um well it’s getting late I’m gonna go home now.” Neil says. </p><p>“I don’t care.” Andrew says back and then he goes into the bedroom. Neil gets home and goes to sleep right away after feeling exhausted from today. Maybe things would be alright. Or maybe not.</p>
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